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Seeing the Magic Again

The Black Crow

The crow: “They unite both the light and the dark, both the inner and the outer.”

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“Crows are messengers, telling us about the creation and magic all around us, that is available to us just for the asking. Look for opportunities to bring into being the magic of life. The striking black colour of the crow represents the colour of creation. It is the womb out of which the new comes into existence. Black is the colour of the night, giving birth to the light of a new day.” http://www.shamanicjourney.com/crow-power-animal-symbol-of-sacred-law-change

This morning i was in the kitchen on the computer when suddenly i heard this horrid sound coming outside. At first i ignored it but the sound was

Continue reading “The Black Crow”

Estoy enamorado…..de Vigo ;)

Hoy he cometido un error afortunado…tome un camino different a la playa Samil tratando reunirse con una amiga….. He encontrado un cito en Vigo que me hizo enamorarme……

Today I made a fortunate mistake… i took a different road to Samil beach while trying to meet my friend…. I encountered a space in Vigo that made me fall in love….

Vigo…

The land of the Sea…Tierra del Mar

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Where land meets earth and Seagulls rule the skies

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Walking down this hidden treasure I saw happy dogs, runners, kids smiling, parents pushing carriages, birds gliding through the clouds and reflecting their reflections upon the water, i saw the moon hazy in the sky with birds swarming around it as the sun slowly went to bed, I saw the wind playing with the water — dancing like laughing children

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i saw the majestic mountains in the far distance behind the sharp rays of sun beyond the ocean, I saw stone walls placed with such strength and groundedness along the pathway.

The Sky was painted with purple, pink, yellow, orange swirls and the clouds parted to expose their display, the stripes of tall thin green grass blades were elegant silhouettes in the shadow of the descending sun master…

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And me… my heart was breaking open like an explosion… walking and smiling in awe with my ray ban sunglasses mouth gaping and headphones playing some funky toon that matched my excitement…..Holding back the will to scream and jump up and clap my hands like a lunatic… I was amazed…. How could i have lived here for so long and not have found this place…. perhaps i wasn’t ready for its gifts before… I wanted to cry and die and live and jump in joy all at the same moment…. 

I was here… i made it… this was one place my soul had ached for me to see… I saw my life ..my whole life… my birth, my children, my old age, my death… as i walked passed the big rocks i felt my heart spill out of my body and caress every single one and nestle to make the perfect seat to sit and gaze at the world….

The undulating waves were pulling me into my most joyful state…a state of pure gratitude to have the chance to experience this moment through my own eyes…

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Finally as my path was blocked by gates and sea, i turned back down to where i came from…

On my return journey the sun was hidden behind the city and mountains, and only colors and shadows were left in the sky… the moon small but presently alluring sat glowing a pearly white gaze while hundreds of seagulls sang and danced around it….

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Desperately trying to capture the moment i kept taking out my old 3G iPhone camera phone so i could press pause on the beauty and return back to it in moments after its all gone….

I began to think to myself… i could live here… i could die here…how can this be happening.… and then judgment sank in…. What if i do live here and come here everyday, but walk down this path, and look down at my feet instead of the world.. what if i cant appreciate this as i did… 

Thoughts bounced back and forth and tranquility reentered my mind… Finally turning the corner to what was more familiar… i stopped to sit upon a rock to enjoy….

At first I felt small…..and then suddenly I felt big…. I felt proud to see through my eyes… to experience this feeling through my body….What an honor it was to be me in that moment.

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Bouzas

INsideOUT

The Beautiful Butterfly and our Hearts

Hi!

So I’m feeling kind of happy today. No major reason. Today i had a nice long break where i went to my favorite bar for a wonderful cafe and had a good time with my kids today at school. I felt accomplished and appreciated, and important too. I also got to connect with some friends and family I haven’t been connected with for a while which felt really good too.

The weather in Vigo Spain has be wonderfully pleasant as well, and I’m enjoying the slight freeze i feel in the air..it helps wake me up:)

I also just came across a few  blogs i really liked and am now following them, and that too makes me feel great to connect with such awesome souls, although long distance. And finally i just signed up to be a fellow couch suffer which is so new and in my old mind highly dangerous, however after watching a few tips and videos about couchsurffing I feel more confident in my choice. Also with the holiday seasons and the lights and the looking forward to vacations and traveling and meeting and making wonderful friends, I’m feeling good :).

Its funny though…. when i feel this good, and am feeling happy … i have this sense of fear…i realize my body or mind finds it a little unsafe to be perfectly fine because I’m not expecting the worse.. which means I’m ‘not prepared’ for it.. however as i opened my perspective i realize its constantly thinking about the worst, that creates it…so its an illusion to think we prepare for it when we think and focus on it.

Regardless, i noticed this feeling of oh shit… I’m too happy… this isn’t normal… something is going to go wrong i know it …like someone will shout, or a fight will happen..or ill feel horrible suddenly…..

The good thing from this fear is it inspired me to write this blog! so hey there is a positive that comes out of that negative.

Overall I’m learning to breathe in my joy when it comes to me… aka learning to accept the good stuff.. even at a microscopic level… breathing it into my cells and allowing the good and the warm to hug me….

if you are interested in trying this… do it when you are outside under the sun rays… the warmth automatically feels great, but then practice breathing it into your body and affirming to yourself its allowed in you, it is being taking into your body and you are receiving the wonderful energy of warmth and joy.

I realized the whole idea of giving and receiving love can be thrown right back to a microcosmic level of yourself…meaning allow love from yourself and learn and practice to receive it. I learn we are both the provider and the receiver, and we can cultivate our peace and joy and strength by realizing this and practicing it.

If you think about our breath… its like the rise and fall of the ocean and the waves, its like the expansion and contraction of music of the universe, of singing, of dancing.

I suppose this is why all the gurus and teachers have always said , ‘observe your breathe’ … we all have access to it, and breath is a refection of life.. so we can really learn life through breath.- and remember it is always moving.

I realize how much we all affect each other, which is why i realize how important it is for us to care for ourselves and for each other. To find compassion in our hearts and realize we are all going through our own processes, and so we really can’t judge each other as we are all in different experiences.

I really look forward to opening my heart more and more and more through all the manners of joy i have.

Im learning to become less afraid of the fear of being happy or even the fear to experiencing a less comfortable experience…cultivating a safe home, a safe place inside ourselves is what roots us and enables us the strength and confidence to experience life and all its wonders.

I picture a baby sleeping right now.. naked and safe, comfortable and sound dreaming…breath calm and rising and falling, soft and quite, peaceful and clear…. remember that baby is us too.. no matter how old we are or how ‘bad or good’ we are…. we are all that baby.

Much love to you

Inside out… flying on the wings of the beautiful butterfly that is caressing my beautiful heart

i love you ❤

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Hogar Dulce Hogar

Today was wonderful. Got up early on a Sunday morning…no gente por la calle…. porque hay un festivo este semana entonces no hay trabajo mañana ! yay!!… vale…. So we got up early and i drove with mi companera y tambien mi amiga a Ourense to see the sights and meet up with some wonderful people for a spectacular lunch. However on the way there we went to a few beautiful sights. We went to Lugo ( another provence within Galicia- and btw i have now officially been to all four provinces of Galicia ( Pontevedra, Lugo, Ourense, y A Coruna )

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Today we visited many Rias ( which i dont know the correct names of ) but one of which separates Lugo and Ourense. We drove up beautiful mountains with wonderful views of the Las Rias y los colors del arboles =]. It was cold but what a wonderful trip. We saw the mountains in which a special wine of Galica is cultivated and we saw many precious pueblos with small cobble stone streets and beautiful houses. They were so simply precious. Finally we arrived in Ourense where we met up with some awesome people and dinned like i haven’t done in quite some time with Croquetas y tostados y huevos con patatas y churizo y pan y vino y postre… so much so that 8 hours latter with walking included…im still not hungry ! We had a wonderful cafe in a beautiful festive bar with lights and warm comfort and we visited a beautiful apartment of a friend who is so warm hearted.

Las Rias Espectacular!
Las Rias Espectacular! Y las Montanas!
Ourense!
Ourense!
Night and Lights and a Happy Tummy =]
Night and Lights and a Happy Tummy =]

On the drive home today I felt so content. There wasn’t any room for the past or the future. It was peaceful moments of bliss. Upon reflecting….the word Joy pops into my head. Why is it so difficult for us to live this life in joy and in peace and in love? huh? What makes us suffer so much as humans, most of us can say we live a hard life of struggle and strife, or separation and loneliness, of insecurities and fear… why has that become our dominant vibration? A friend of mine messaged me today through Facebook saying “the world is yours!… play with it and have fun! ” I messaged her back saying, thats probably the best advice anyone can give me at this moment.

For so long I’ve been waiting and hoping for others to bring me joy to bring me love to bring me acceptance and approval…ive been craving that special someone to fill the empty bottle of joy and fun and happiness in my life. However, Ive been realizing lately that it is I who has been depriving me of these basic human needs and also desires. Have you every asked yourself, How can i put more joy into my life? … sure we can always wait till we buy this equipment, or meet the special person, or win the lottery, or finish our degree to fulfill that craving or joy of passion and happiness we all want.. sure we can! … but what about in the meantime? aka how about now? … what little things can we infuse into our day to bring us more joy and more happiness, to make if feel worth while taking breathes of air in this life, right here and now? what do we love to do? what erases time? what cultivates heat in our heart?

When i pondered over these questions i brought forth a few ideas. One thing that totally brings me joy and stops time completely so much so I become the moment… is dancing! …and thats one thing i basically dont do… like at all. I have many excuses why i haven’t danced… i have no friends who really enjoy dancing, i dont know the language here its hard to find places, i dont have that much money to take classes, i dont have time, I’m lazy, I’m scared, I’m fearful … all of them valid reasons but non the less…i still have the same craving!- to move to dance to be free and joyful.

Who knows what will happen tomorrow… i dont! or if i somehow do know.. I’m not aware of it… so why not work with the resources we’ve got already, with the information we currently can understand and comprehend about ourselves to infuse more joy into our lives and bring more smiles and warm feelings to our beings.

Now what about suffering? Thats a big one, and this occurs on many different densities and levels… however lets just focus on what happens in our heads, what we feel based upon the thoughts we are thinking.

One thing I decided to practice today was allowing myself to feel what i felt…because thats how i felt in the moment. I would do this by breathing into the feeling and instead of resisting it or rejecting or judging it because its a ‘bad’ feeling….i fell into it.. like falling into a big comfy cozy feather white king size bed… although perhaps it didn’t always feel as comforting…

I actually tried this with physical pain too. I happen to have my menstrual cycle today so i was experiencing cramps which i usually experience during my first day of my cycle. Im trying to conceptualize that idea that the cramp is tensing up and clenching and holding and not letting go.. its not moving, its not flowing and so its accumulating energy there.

Now there were moments were i fell into my physical pain and instead of fighting the feeling i went into the pain… and i did feel release of the constriction… however, i must add i ended up taking a total of 2 ibuprofen pills today as i was traveling and was in pain and needed to function today so… alas i didn’t complete the process. but hay! i tried.

My point is I feel that when we allow ourself to feel the feeling we feel, it ends up passing faster than we think. The more we hold on to them or resist them from occurring, the longer they stay with us, and continue to be with us throughout the day.

Finally i would like to touch on the titulo of this blog Hogar Dulce Hogar- ‘home sweet home’. Ive always loved this phrase. i realized I’m a home person… no matter how out of the box or adventurous or open to new things i perhaps seem…i love home. i love having a home to go to, i love feeling warm safe and comfortable in my home, and i love the knowing and security that i have a home.

I am very happy to have a home here in Spain, so far from my original home. Although no home is perfect.. we can always do what we can to make it as much a home as possible for our selves.

My home back in Jersey ( USA) is soon to be sold, and so i had a moment in the car ride home today of missing the hell out of it. I imagined myself being really big and bright and round like the moon and embracing my entire home and the land and the garden and the walls and the rooms and the cars and all who were ever in it… just hugging it and holding it and being with it, giving thanks to it for being my beautiful wonderful perfect home i could ever in my life ever have. Its so hard to let it go, even though i know its for the best for everyone and everything…its just time. But still as we do with everything, i have projected my home as my strength my protection my abode my place in this world my sanctuary … as mine and all mine and always mine… but as life always teaches us, nothing here is for us to keep. Regardless i want to send a shout out to my first home in this world… saying i love you with all my heart, and i know your new home ( new people moving it=n ) will love you a thousand times more than we did…and that we all ( my family and all those who ever walked a foot in our house ) love you and are so happy to have spent over 24 years in the same place. What a wonderful relationship <3.

So finally as i run out of more things to say, i want to thank the day for bringing me joy and happiness, and myself for allowing me to receive all the good things in my life right now. I hope to continue to play more in the world, and be a joyful happy human in this life, as I’m pretty sure that was one of my major intentions, if not the only one, of coming here in the first place.

Peace out, Flower power, power puff, jiggly puff, girl

INsideOut

Making time to do what you Love

Have you every thought that one day your dreams will turn to gold?

Can you imagine that all your wishes came true, that you became that artist or that healer or that composer…. can you even imagine what that feels like…what would it feel like? what kind of thoughts would you have? what thoughts would you no longer have that you do now about yourself. would you feel good? would you feel better? would you feel the same? whats your intention of getting those things that you want? why do you want it? have you ever asked yourself that?
Im sure theres a lot of reasons that are ‘acceptable’ in your  mind as to why you want what you want, but perhaps there are also reasons that are ‘unacceptable’ to you and so you might not want to admit them, better yet, be consciously aware of them…
I want a few things in my life…probably more than i even know…but one of the biggest joys in my life have been music. In all forms…making it, singing it, listening to it, writing from it, dancing to it, meditating with it, expressing with it….music is a huge inspiration for me….but what will i do with it? Can i make it a career? can i sustain myself from it? how can I integrate it constantly in my life? how can I make what i love, what i do? my career?
I love my job overall right now…. i learn so much every single day….from language, to patients, to communication and the ways it is received and exchanged….the children and how crazy they are and how psychotic every one is…..how stressed i feel and exhausted sometimes, and also so appreciated at times as well…..its a special place to be able to work using a tool I have rather than a tool i needed to ‘earn’ from an institution…its wonderful to see children light up when they see you and always say hi to you wherever you are…its like your always kind of under the spotlight…. dont get me wrong its also insane..ive had some intense experiences with kids from tantrums to hitting to misbehaving to the extremes…but each experience has taught me the importance of holding space, holding your ground, and learning to work with the energies. its also taught me to be more strict! ….im not one to tell people what to do and control them…but i realize its important to have a sense of boundaries and force, strength and presence…and sometimes that comes from being kindly assertive and understood as a figure that is listened to and loved and respected, both ways. ITs been such a journey, and it still is….
Although i do feel this job is absolutely perfect for me right now in my place and time…i still have some resistance to it…this morning while waiting for my Tuesday/ Thursday caravan that drives me to school…i was pondering. I thought to myself…I’m not like this…i dont want to have to wake up and have a schedule as i do…and obligation, and timetable, i dont want to be so tied to this routine…. I’m a gemini, and also someone who really kind of hates rules…and here i am as a teacher !! ( funny right 🙂 ) …. I am learning a lot…. but something still is off….i thought a little longer and tried to think of what other job will fit me like a glove?
I think the next step is to imagine how id feel what it would look like…using more of my heart and childlike senses to understand what place will enable me to blossom? …what place can carry me up and down like winds and the waves but with ease and pure joy and acceptance to do so? …. logically things that came up was music, writing, dancing, yoga, online health business, blogger, things like this which allow me freedom that is unbounded to a schedule. …. one thing i love about music is its openness…its freedom, its boundless art, its power, is resonance, is so grandly vast, so poignantly powerful, so perfect in some ways…
It feels good to bring focus and attention to what i do actually want rather than to what i dont have now…its funny because if i got a magic godmother right now who said she would grant me all my wishes right now, id be so scared to receive them…. i think its because part of my identity has become that of a person who waits, and waits, who’s dreams usually never come true…this is an old belief that now i feel doesn’t need to be there anymore…. its time to live the dreams and passions now rather than wait for them to come true….how would life be different ?
Im thinking to myself…could i ever stop writing or researching new ideas on integration and health and happiness, or making music listening and connecting with awesome souls where ever i am? would i ever stop enjoy good company and having great conversations with people? would i ever stop playing music like the piano or guitar or drums or the flute? Would i ever stop? …i dont know… perhaps maybe…anything can change…its possible…however my body opens with music, my mind opens with music, i bring music wherever i go, i make music whenever i can, i write, i express, i share, i talk the hell out when i love the conversation, i read and research and understand and reveal when I’m learning about topics that spin me out of control, and break the bounds of what life is and can be..i love that stuff..i eat it up like a starving lion…. I’m down for that stuff…that pumps me up…my body feels so warm and ready as i type these words…these ‘passions’ or these creations and activities bring me joy…bring me purpose and reason and place….bring me, me…to my higher expressions to my deeper and purer manifestation inside and out….
So when put it that way…. i suppose whatever I’m doing in my life….where ever i am… make the time for this…allow it to be with you throughout your day…inject the parts you love whenever you can whenever you want….theres no reason why else I’m here….
Much love to you
and you
Leila (InSide Out)

Half and Half… Integrating~ Back

Today while walking home from work i recognized something in me that i haven’t felt in a really long time….positive focus towards myself…. I felt good about myself…on all levels… and I’ve not felt like that purely for about a month.

It felt so good. The sun was shining and i felt accomplished at school, I felt kind of like that “thirty, flirty, and thriving”… imma imma a diva…. Beyonce, bitches watch out kinda pussy cat doll, Nicky Minaj, woman feeling…but with my own personal signature to all that. Ill say it again, i  haven’t felt like that ‘damn I’m awesome’ feeling in quite some time. And its funny because i have a slight shame to feeling so good about myself…i fear it is narcissistic or ‘wrong’ almost ‘sinful’ ( pulling my cultural upbringing and teachings on how women should be soft spoken and quite and concealing of their beauty and body and feelings and desires, and overall confidence and love for themselves )…. but I’m gunna go ahead and write a little something about it….

something I realized while living in Spain is that many women, no matter their age old or young… are not afraid to make themselves look drop dead gorgeous. They are not afraid to wear amazing looking clothes and be so beautiful that people need to take a few looks to appreciate it all….You may think this draws negative attention or causes trouble, and perhaps in some cases that is true… but i have been seeing a new perspective.

Because the women here are so willing to be so beautiful, and to show it, its almost become ‘acceptable’ in society, and so its like a norm… men and women are more of equals than shy to talk to each other, bodies are bodies, and they are just accepted more. Theres a barrier that I’ve experienced myself when talking to the opposite sex, but here its just thinner…there is ease when talking with each other, and not all this pent up hidden tensions….its just a little more raw, a little more transparent in this aspect

Today as i was watching the new “Cinderella” trailer, i thought to myself, i think I was a princess in another life. I just like a lot of things that i dont really like to admitting too like I like attention  as long as its genuine and within my own boundaries, I enjoy feeling absolutely amazing about myself in all sense, and i like my pride to show outwardly. I enjoy being appreciated and loved, but then again who doesn’t? – ill admit, ( to be completely transparent) one ‘hidden’ intent to writing theses blogs is to get people to connect and recognize me as someone who has a voice, someone who’s here, for some attention of some acknowledgment, for people to like me or think of me. Although i feel a little guilty for all this, i also feel good that I’m doing what makes me feel good about myself, and I’m the

I guess my point is today i felt really good about myself… I’m 24, I’m young, healthy, beautiful, attractive, excited, brave, confident, inspired, honest, and willing to reveal all my colors and appreciate all of them equally…. I change everyday, sometimes i can’t feel or sense any of these attributes, and sometimes i sense all this and more… sometimes I’m an absolute reck… but the i guess thats all okay….

I find myself telling myself…its okay, because thats how you feel… stop trying to change things, and just be aware of it all.. is an experience…. being more conscious helps us work from that point of where we are.

Im just really happy i experienced that again…I think sometimes we are so hard on ourselves to be a certain way, or get to a certain state that is almost un-reachable given our current situation, and so we dont accept the way we are the way we feel, and we hate ourselves for it…

im so happy i could be in the vibration to remember, I’m awesome,I’m doing so well in whatever place i am in, I’m trying my best to do what is best for me….. and today i  bought my first pair of paints in Spain which felt kind a good ;)…. sometimes its okay to give into our small desires…. even if they dont seem to ‘fit’ the persona, or the ‘person’ we think we are….

I think its important as women ( and also men ) to be confident in ourselves, and brave enough to ask for and receive what it is we want…

I think when we get hit with some powerful punches in our life, on a variety of levels, we forget that we are still that awesome person, being, soul inside… and we start seeing ourselves with these glasses of judgment and disapproval…its such a relief to take those glasses off, and see yourself without those things… see yourself new…..

Contrast ~ ;)

InsideOut ~

Tapping in and Pouring out

“…the need to express who we are is archetypal; that is both necessary and timeless. And expressing who we are is less about describing ourselves than it is about letting who we are out in a regular rhythm that is an imperative as breathing.
“It is this exchange or flow of who we are- in and out- that keeps us connected to all that is living.
“Just as we must inhale and exhale hundreds of times a day, we must feel and express constantly. When out of balance we suffer….”
“Ultimately, expressing who we are has a physics all its own. More than being understood, it is about not hiding our basic nature.
“Essentially, the life of expression is the ongoing journey of how we heal each other… for by telling our stories and listening to the stories of others, we let out who we are and find ourselves in each other, and find that we are more together than alone.”
~Mark Nepo from The Exquisite Risk: Daring to Live an Authentic Life  http://www.mysticmamma.com

http://newparadigmastrology.com/tag/pele-report      ( watch this if you are interested in astrology and interested to here some awesome insights of whats happening )

Okay….. so…. The top two things i posted are just things that made me laugh and smile a little…. Its kinds of a culmination of what I’m trying to do myself,and what my intentions were to starting this blog….

It seems its just the time, where we are really realizing the perfection of the cracks in the walls…. the perfection of the chaos and the breakups and the wounds…like i posted in a previous blog… a rumi quote…. “the wound is the place where light enters you”….

This feels kind of like the ‘rise from the ashes… the rise of the Phoenix”…. I feel the birth of new… like any birth it is fresh, its raw, it is weak and vulnerable… it needs time to grow with strength… but also like any birth..any baby or puppy for that matter…it has an advantage. It is fresh… it sees the world without judgment… it is blank it is new….and so it is a beginning a new start to everything….

As i have been paying attention to the signs to my experiences in daily life…im seeing that everywhere i am i am receiving signs. I dont have to be in a meditation under a pyramid in Egypt or under the roots of a grand oak tree…another words…i dont have to be so ‘formal in my prayer”… the awareness and the willingness to receive insight and information, to acquire understanding, and the willingness to remove all blocks that prevent this flow of knowledge of compassion of truth and of perspective…is sufficient enough to receive this information.

Ive been finding that the more open I am to understanding and receiving guidance in my every step and moment… the wider and more expansive my perception and experience is in whatever situation I’m in…. its kind of like … instead of being a part of a war…. I’m only watching it on the movie screen…so yes i feel the emotions and i am engrossed in the film; however, I can chose to press pause and take a breather… or i can still feel safe that i have the option to walk away from the situation because it doesn’t serve me to completely drown myself in this particular experience…

Im realizing yes its wonderful to engage in your truth, go deep and become aware of all that you experience whether it be emotional physical or mental or whatever… but its also important to be aware of the support and tools, the resources you have so you are not overwhelmed or discouraged by the intensity… ( some resources include people, writing, videos, astrology, animals, research, animal messages, music, dancing, pottery, puzzles…. whatever gives you a sense of peace and joy and insight… what supports you? )

Having a more open mind to things… also invites imagination and magic back into our lives… things aren’t so fixed and so there is room for alternative endings to a situation that may otherwise seem so concrete in its outcome…

Today in one of my classes with  15-16 year old students or (4 or secondary in Spain) I was facilitating the class in conversation… and suddenly mid sentence I heard a finite sound like a ‘DINGGGG’ but it was very focused through the air… i stopped mid sentence and automatically asked my kids..”woah.. did you hear that?” and the kinds started to laugh because they were like ‘wtf… my teacher is absolutely crazy! hahha” loll… but i just laughed to myself and said… “yup…there is a lot of work a lot of tweaking and fixing, on so many vibrational levels right now…. and it was awesome that I could be aware of that” ( even if this is ‘un-true’ that is such a fun and exciting way for me to experience that situation)……

Where I’m trying to go with this is…. theres a lot going on… inside and out ( haha get it INsideOut … like the name of by blog 😉 heheh… lol okay…. and yeah… its just like wow.. its kinda all happening…

I think its really important ( at least for me in my space ) that we look within to see what is right and wrong for us in the moment and discover our truth and how it continues to change… I think its also important to allow ourselves to change and not be so fixed in our beliefs and our opinions and our ideas of truth…. i think this makes us more accessible to discovering what or who we actually are… ( perhaps we doing need to tie ourselves to one tittle, perhaps we are change….but also not … maybe both? hmm )

I feel this dark void kind of.. very galactic and almost alien… its like silence before the dawn or like that quote… “its always darkest before the dawn” or something like that…

Theres like this weird balance between opposites but at these same time its kind of like “woa.. whattt…” like space-y…. like slow motion almost…. But theres like a perfection to this weird position of all the planets and the things on this earth…. ( I’m not sure what this is referring too… could be a variety of things… but perhaps it will spark something is someone who figures it out…. who knows…)

But to apply all this practically… to bring all this extra outwardly stuff back to earth… i think its meaning… its here… it being you and what you represent….its an opportunity to express our unique expression of something that feels so precious to us… like a unique flower or song or note….very pure, very raw, very magical, very mysterious, very vast… and from that space of authenticity… we vibrate off into our space around us and touch those that choose to receive such a feeling…. and perhaps inspire one another… ( I’m pretty sure people who really inspire others are those who are working ( in some sense) from their space of authenticity… like Teal Swan, or Michael Jackson, or Buddah, or jesus… etc)

I think from our heart space or the space that is so silently magnificent so purely angelic so un-named…we emit our creations and that is perhaps one way to assist in the transformation and expression of this new space and time… this new moment…word, or way of living.

Ive been doing morning mediations with doreen virtue the last few mornings and I’ve been enjoying it… doing this practice helps me renew and refresh to polish my receivers so I can access with a cleaner filter…Today I was imagining my heart chakra…and I imagined that there was a black tarp upon it ( similar to the covering you put on your outdoor grill ) and ( like said in the mediation ) to clear this space ( that definitely wanted to be opened) I needed to invision the tarp being taken off and the going towards that fountain of light inside my body that is endless and boundless and basically signifies the source of endlessness that i carry ( that we all carry ) in order to burns away (with grace and love) that suppression or that blockage or fear that is representative as the tarp that suffocates this space from optimally functioning.

What I realized was when the tarp came off… there was this extreme flow like gasoline filling a car… like unblocking of a dam and water pouring out….. it was like this burst of energy… and it kind of freaked me out to the point where i realized… i kind of wanted to put the tarp back on because it was really intense! I felt extremely light almost like i could perhaps flight a little above the ground … and that was a very different feeling… so i realized as the day went by, that the tarp was placed there by me… because I’m very afraid of receiving so much energy….. of being so light…. why? ….not sure at the moment….( i have a few ideas…)

I think this is just an example of what is happening to all of us… but as always there are different outcomes and different intentions and different choices that we are all able to make… and so my hopes is that as we all blossom… we work at our own paces and we work from our most genuine spaces and hopefully we can send off from this vantage point our vibrations ( that may manifest in different ways ) to send love and smiles to the faces near by…. In other words.. i think our own space of how we live our life ( which perhaps is through our joy and love and truth ) is what can inspire others to do the same… so I hope we can do that… I think we all have a lot of love to give and a lot of love to be and i have a feeling no matter what we are doing ( writing, teaching, accounting, parenting, experiencing) love enables us to allow love to be the umbrella vibration of it all….

Express YourSelf- It feels Mmm good 😉

Also as a side note… i just checked doreen virtues Instagram daily report… and the card that showed up was…”love is your purpose in life is to bring love and healing light into this world” … and I have a feeling that is all of our purposes.. definitely a part of mine… but we all have the opportunity to chose how we want to express it… anyways this was more of a denser blog… but i kind of love things like this…may have been confusing but take what you want from it, and thank you for letting me share all my excitement and joy with you…. I feel so wonderful to share it, its so fun.

Okaydokie 😉

Until Next Time

InSideOut

A Moment of Happiness

I was going to write about one thing… but i changed my mind…Its funny how sometimes we forget that we can always change our minds…

As I opened my computer to this page, suddenly sun started to peer through my window. I swallowed a a bunch of air as I turned my head in surprise. It was so beautiful.

I flipped my legs onto the floor and bounced joyfully towards the windows. Part of the sky was dark and grey and the other side had clouds with rays of sunlight piercing through. Rain was jubilantly dancing down to the grey streets bellow. The sun began to pierce through the rain drops and they began to sparkle, like glitter falling from a gigantic shaker in the sky. It was as if fairies came by and decided to pour down magic dust as the passed.

My immediate instincts were to whip out my camera phone and try and capture the magic, but as soon as I did the rain slowly stopped and within the same minute the glitter went away.

As a looked up into the sky the sun shined stronger through the clouds. shapes and magical creatures began to take form in the sky like those you might have seen in the movie “Maleficent” with Angelina Jolie. There were swords and horns and wings and lots of action. The longer i didn’t blink the more i could believe they were real. Finally i blinked my eye shut and giggled to myself. How much fun it is to see magic in this world with my waking eyes.

Its just amazing how much we miss when we turn off this innate child-like side to ourselves. Who’s to say what is real and what isn’t? Why do we think fairies and magic and light and dark and mystery and nature have all been so attractive to our society throughout the years of humanity in books and stories and movies and dreams? — perhaps because there is some truth in the make-believe…

Today I was feeling a little scatter brained and i was trying to figure out why. Im not quite sure yet, but i do feel one of the reasons is because my vision of the my life and the situations I experience, the worries and the thoughts I have, the fear and the pains i hold on to, are all perceived through a very small venue, another words I dont open my mind to see the whole picture…

Sometimes I feel we get so lost in this world. In a way we end up focussing on things that make us worry or feel anxious about. When we do this we see the world through tunnel vision instead of a panoramic view and our problems intensify. We begin to feel so trapped and hopeless and helpless, and our cries for help make us feel week and powerless, and so we try to shut them off by doing whatever we can to feel a little better. But even after, we still feel so trapped and in fear that we will fall back into that space of feeling so small and so alone.

Sometimes the thing we need is something like magic, something like a new perspective or a different view of the situation. A new angle allows for different information to be conceptualized, and this enables us to understand it better.

For me personally i find myself locked sometimes in this cycle where i feel i can’t get out of it even if I want to sometimes. But I think when there is a part of you thats open to the solution and some extra help, it always comes, and in my case it was the something as simple as a little rain.

A Moment of Happiness 

A moment of happiness, you and I sitting on the verandah, apparently two, but one in soul, you and I. We feel the flowing water of life here, you and I, with the garden’s beauty and the birds singing. The stars will be watching us, and we will show them what it is to be a thin crescent moon. You and I unselfed, will be together, indifferent to idle speculation, you and I. The parrots of heaven will be cracking sugar as we laugh together, you and I. In one form upon this earth, and in another form in a timeless sweet land. – Rumi 

– See more at: http://allpoetry.com/A-Moment-Of-Happiness#sthash.7W7r0LKq.dpuf

Until Next Time

~INsideOUT

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