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Inner Child Power

Estoy enamorado…..de Vigo ;)

Hoy he cometido un error afortunado…tome un camino different a la playa Samil tratando reunirse con una amiga….. He encontrado un cito en Vigo que me hizo enamorarme……

Today I made a fortunate mistake… i took a different road to Samil beach while trying to meet my friend…. I encountered a space in Vigo that made me fall in love….

Vigo…

The land of the Sea…Tierra del Mar

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Where land meets earth and Seagulls rule the skies

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Walking down this hidden treasure I saw happy dogs, runners, kids smiling, parents pushing carriages, birds gliding through the clouds and reflecting their reflections upon the water, i saw the moon hazy in the sky with birds swarming around it as the sun slowly went to bed, I saw the wind playing with the water — dancing like laughing children

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i saw the majestic mountains in the far distance behind the sharp rays of sun beyond the ocean, I saw stone walls placed with such strength and groundedness along the pathway.

The Sky was painted with purple, pink, yellow, orange swirls and the clouds parted to expose their display, the stripes of tall thin green grass blades were elegant silhouettes in the shadow of the descending sun master…

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And me… my heart was breaking open like an explosion… walking and smiling in awe with my ray ban sunglasses mouth gaping and headphones playing some funky toon that matched my excitement…..Holding back the will to scream and jump up and clap my hands like a lunatic… I was amazed…. How could i have lived here for so long and not have found this place…. perhaps i wasn’t ready for its gifts before… I wanted to cry and die and live and jump in joy all at the same moment…. 

I was here… i made it… this was one place my soul had ached for me to see… I saw my life ..my whole life… my birth, my children, my old age, my death… as i walked passed the big rocks i felt my heart spill out of my body and caress every single one and nestle to make the perfect seat to sit and gaze at the world….

The undulating waves were pulling me into my most joyful state…a state of pure gratitude to have the chance to experience this moment through my own eyes…

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Finally as my path was blocked by gates and sea, i turned back down to where i came from…

On my return journey the sun was hidden behind the city and mountains, and only colors and shadows were left in the sky… the moon small but presently alluring sat glowing a pearly white gaze while hundreds of seagulls sang and danced around it….

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Desperately trying to capture the moment i kept taking out my old 3G iPhone camera phone so i could press pause on the beauty and return back to it in moments after its all gone….

I began to think to myself… i could live here… i could die here…how can this be happening.… and then judgment sank in…. What if i do live here and come here everyday, but walk down this path, and look down at my feet instead of the world.. what if i cant appreciate this as i did… 

Thoughts bounced back and forth and tranquility reentered my mind… Finally turning the corner to what was more familiar… i stopped to sit upon a rock to enjoy….

At first I felt small…..and then suddenly I felt big…. I felt proud to see through my eyes… to experience this feeling through my body….What an honor it was to be me in that moment.

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Bouzas

INsideOUT

Who do I be? The Land of Make-believe

Who do you want to be?

This is a game… no right or wrong answer… just imagine you’re a kid looking in your dress up box finding an outfit to put on… a ballerina, firefighter, doctor, teacher…who are you? what costume are you trying to find in the box?

Its never too late, we are never too old or young…the box is always there waiting for your imagination to dip into the box and try things on for size.

Nothing is permanent.. remember that… we change constantly.. everyday, just like our thoughts, just like our breathe, just like the clouds in the sky, just like the leaves on the trees.

If we dont like the outfit we chose… we can take it off… we can change our outfit… perhaps we are bored of changing, bored of putting on different clothes… no problem… go downstairs, gets something to eat, play outside, talk to your friends… do something else…

then in the betweens of your day, when you are suddenly inspired… run upstairs with all your might back to the attic of make-believe… and pick up that outfit… put it on for size.

What we dont like, or what doesn’t work, we can use as the guidance of what we would prefer…how we would change our next outfit…until we find the one that feels just right… or perhaps there are a variety of ones that work…regardless…nothing was a mistake, nothing was a failure— it all helped us to realize what we want to put on next….

Perhaps life could be as simple as that… perhaps…. If we just follow our feeling like….no this one itches i prefer that one… or no, i want puffier sleeves on my dress, or a different hat and shoes… and we make those changes… we might not feel so stagnant and stuck… in fact… we might actually figure out and trust that when we feel something, and it makes us change something… it might not be because the world is against us and wants us to loose and let go of all we love want and care about…but rather its guiding us to the things that our hearts true want to experience.. perhaps greater joys, fantasies, magic…

Perhaps our feelings are the words and guidance of our hearts (ps. The heart has brain cells…look it up;) 

Writing this post made me remember a time when i was little.

My sister and I would play make believe in the basement.

My question… everyday we played was…”sister….what do I be?”

Her response was always something i didn’t want to be like …”you will be the man, or the servant, or the ugly duckling…

My response was always…”NOOO! i want to be the princess! ” or the good fairy or the kind beautiful lady, or the Mom…

Now reflecting on this interaction… i realized some amazing information…. Even as a child, i needed external validation for my wishes and dreams….

Now reflecting back, i always knew who i wanted to be ( the princess, the good fairy…not the father or the evil woman )…. but i always asked sneakily or innocently HOPING that one day, my sister will externally validate, confirm, enable me, allow me, give me the position, the role, the permission, the acceptance… of being who i actually wanted to be….but guess what… that never happened!!

We can bring this back into our real life scenarios ….We actually know what we want !!…. i knew that i wanted to be the princess… but i never forwardly stated it…i wanted to be given it. BUT NO ONE GAVE IT TO ME!….

It is EMPOWERING to know that we do actually know what we want… we just need to be BRAVE and WILLING to admit to what it is we want…who it is we want to be… even if we dont get that external validation for it (especially from those who we love and want support from the most )….

I think ill stop there…but here are some nice priming questions to think about…to trigger our imaginations… and figure out what happens… go along with the first answer that pops into your head as you read the questions… see what kind of picture is created 🙂 

InSideOut

Play the Game !

Have you ever asked yourself who do i want to be ? What does he/she look like? what does he/she do ? where do you live? what does you home look like? whats in your bedroom? what do you display in your home that brings your joy? whats the environment like outside when you look out the window? What are you wearing? whats your hair look like? how does your body feel? what are you thinking about? what are you grateful for? What will you do latter that day? who are your friends? What do you do for a living? How do you interact with people everyday? What do you eat in the morning? what do you do at night ?

IM GOING TO BE THE GUINi PIG AND SHOW YOU MY ANSWERS ( NOTE: these are the first answers that came up in my head…they can change as fast as i write them down…AKA…subject to change ! lol )

Have you ever asked yourself who do i want to be ?- actress movie star

What does he/she look like?- she’s beautiful

what does he/she do ? – she plays music sings and acts

where do you live? in a big mansion

what does you home look like?- its soft and beautiful and lots of light

whats in your bedroom?-  big black grand piano and big white bed with a canapé

what do you display in your home that brings your joy?- music, instruments, paintings of sacred geometry, curtains, soft candles incense

whats the environment like outside when you look out the window? – big vast green, plants, mountains sky, amazing view, stars, land, growth

What are you wearing?- white long silk nighty beautiful and comfort …its summer

whats your hair look like? Long black, curly beautiful

how does your body feel? – song powerful good connected, pregnant, fierce, peaceful, anticipating, excited, joyful grateful

what are you thinking about?- my house my family my husband, my child, my life, love,connection to earth, my career, my passions, my gratitude for my house

what are you grateful for? – my house husband child body grace bravery friends family environment the earth my car my instruments my career my health my adventures

What will you do latter that day? – go to perform outside visit friends at a bonfire eat and sing and laugh and dance outside around the fire

who are your friends? – awesome great people laughing love to do things have fun enjoy talk dance play music, share stories, perform meet people who write music write books scientists, teachers, leaders, all kinds of people , places, cultures

What do you do for a living? – i knit, i bring people to life with love and music, inspire, write, counsel and heal people, ride on horses, teach dance class, yoga instructor, and tai-chi master !! hahah

How do you interact with people everyday?- kind honest, strait forward, assertive, respect, healthy boundaries, love, i see light in their eyes first, bravery, wholeness

What do you eat in the morning? – cereal and milk…. orange juice and strawberries…chocolate and bread, butter, toast, oranges, bananas, waffles with chocolate HOT, juice, lemon water,

what do you do at night ? – i play, i have fun, go on hikes and adventures, walk on the beach, shop eat dance have fun perform watch concerts, make music, write, watch movies, sit by the fire, pet my cat, love my dog, play with my horse

*** FOOTNOTES: so as i was writing this i started second guessing it and being like…. oh shit i dont want to be pregnant or no i should eat healthier….. and this started interfering with what the little child wanted inside… and the little child wanted to eat chocolate waffles over smoothies, and apparently be pregnant! …so as you are doing this exercise… just let the answers flow out.. have fun with it ! … and REMEMBER— the is just one scenario… there are a billion we can chose..and in every moment we can tweak our lives 🙂 

INSIDE OUT

D A N C E

Dance… what the hell is dance???

http://thespiritscience.net/2014/06/07/ive-never-been-more-mesmerized-by-someones-dance-moves-this-video-is-so-much-fun/ ( my inspiration to write this entry 😉

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4d5xzVPvfLk ( the tunes that make me move suave 😉 !!  !

Its such a thing… that its been with humans….forever!!!

How important can it be though???

Why has it traveled with us through time?

How has it surpassed the boundaries of different religions, languages, cultures…. how has each person i their Iife had a great time dancing ?

Ive always loved dance…I never really thought why… but one thing know i love about dance… is what it does to people….

It makes them smile! … suddenly they forget the baggage of baggage and worries they carry upon their backs and in their minds… and for seconds perhaps minutes, or longer.. they are perfect… they are free..they are cured… they are free 🙂

Why don’t we introduce more dance into our lives? why don’t we try it out and see what happens … when we bob our heads, holler, shake our shoulders, bounce to the beat…

M O V E M E N T…. we move….the natural state of life !!… ever moving!! how can our dance moves not translate to the ethers and beyond!! how can our dance moves not be as powerful to affect the next angles of our future moments?

How important i make dance to be with these words… but why the hell not? we play when we dance….we forget to play when we grow up…dancing can be one of those amazingly high golden gateways into beautiful new geometric sparkly figures and points of our life– into new realities.

Dance and music i should add ( which inspires the movement in the first place ) is so powerful… is so potent… that it can change your world in moments… perhaps before the moments even happen ….True this change of feeling and state are not permanent… but what is?… except for change and movement…

Try something today.. put on that song that makes you goo… ohhh yeah !! freak kin awesome.. whoot whoot! .. and see what potential you have to change your state of reality 🙂

Feel how your heart knows before its about to be ripped open with joy….it knows when you are about to embark on the thing that you actually want…. J O Y ❤

– whats your favorite song?

-what song puts you in that good place?

-what reminds you of who you actually are? ( hint hint…someone who’s happy 🙂 …

food for thought… do you think you were born with a frown on your face?? 

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InSideOut ❤

The Opening of the Cave

Hello !!

HI! its been a while :).

Ive got so much to say that I’m not sure where to begin… Im a bit overwhelmed with thoughts and ideas and things i want to say.

Summing up the last few weeks… My travels to Salamanca, Madrid, and Granada were pretty much awesome 🙂 I had such a variety of great experiences and met so many cool awesome people. I ended up staying in Madrid a bit longer than I thought which enabled me to really see more of the city and less of the touristy spots which I’ve wanted to do before i even arrived in Spain.

Salamanca !
Salamanca !
Aranjuze (Pueblo Madrid)
Aranjuze (Pueblo Madrid)
Granada! Most Amazing place to be :)
Granada! Most Amazing place to be 🙂

A special shout out to all the awesome souls i bumped into..you guys really made my trip…its true that its really not the place you are at, its the people who your with that make an experience that much more enjoyable or not lol. Im really excited to travel more! i have the traveling bug, and also really want to learn Spanish really well, even more than i wanted to before, so it looks like I got some good work to do. Also A special shout out to my family in Spain who has made me feel so take care of on many levels, and to my family at home in the States whose love and connections i bring with me wherever i am. And a future shout out to all the places i visit to be able to call them home. Ive always wanted to have a home wherever I am around the world.

I hope everyone had an awesome holiday 🙂 and met with good people and since then have been inspired to realize what you want in your life and be brave enough to now take small action steps to bring them into your reality. I realized the other day that I dont need to make huge catastrophic overt changes in my life, just some small things here and there, like meditating for maybe 5 minutes a day, or finally trying out a zumba class ( which i finally did and it was fun 🙂 or talking time to be with friends and also be with yourself… whatever it is that you need or want to do…small things count.

Ive been feeling through myself a lot of good things are right “outside of me” waiting to get in, but I have some old pain and resentment, perhaps some unworthy old beliefs that really need to be cleared out before new things pour in. Ive been trying to make intentions to empty all thats not needed…one thing that keeps coming up is a need for me to forgive. Forgiveness sounds a little annoying to me sometimes, because i feel its a never ending process, and it doesn’t really work, because in the end, i still hold resentment to things or people or situations… it frustrates me…but i think its just that I’ve been trying to push things away before I’m ready for them to disappear from my life. I find i dont need to fix anything anymore, i need to let it be fixed- and in the mean time pour all that energy into myself.

What i plan on doing is writing a list of everyone or anything that i haven’t been able to forgive and try and go out in nature or just have some quite time in my room and say to each one of them “i forgive you, I am free and you are free…and i love you” perhaps i’ll throw in the ho’oponopno “i love you,I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you” … overall really going to try and forgive…… of course in the end its me who i need to forgive…..

If you look back on any situation or experience you were in that upset you or hurt you or made you angry…that you cant let go of… if you search a little deeper.. you realize its you that you are angry towards, its you you cant forgive, its you that you are disgusted by, and its you that you show zero compassion towards…. I realized most of the time.. the underlying thought or sound in my head says something like…”I’m so disappointed in you, how could you let that happen, i told you not to do that and you did and now look what you’ve done, you cant be trusted, you will forever screw yourself over…” — of course the sentences vary, but in general… The more we understand ourselves by saying things like… “i understand your mad and pissed off and hate the world…I can see why you feel that way. You’ve experienced some difficult situations and its tough, i can see how you could lose trust…” suddenly you feel a sense of quietness in your head and you are like… “well thanks for kinda not shaming me and putting me down, for accepting/validating how i feel instead of trying to shame me or change what i feel about this situation”

We are all going through our own processes. We are all in different phases of our lives. We are all equally able to experience. We are all learning. We need to cultivate more compassion for ourselves, to forgive ourselves, but understanding our perspectives and others. No one really is right or wrong… we are all experiencing through our own small little lens. I forget this often, specifically when i take offense to other peoples actions and words.

I think the best we can do, at this point… is focus.
Focus on staying clear, staying clean and strong, and willing to receive the good things, the personalized messages, and the guidance. Staying open to the messages from people, songs, experiences, articles, fb, posts, pictures…thoughts ideas, visions, feelings…recreating the magic in this world, that we all use to see with our naked eyes when we first came into this world.

One thing I find fun to do is to look into the eyes of people and find the spark that i can see, to see them as who they actually are and to bring that out over there eyes to their face, to their presence, so i can admire them and admire me for seeing such a beautiful sight. the more beauty we can see in ourselves the more beauty we will be in ourselves.

Imagine if we can remember each other as it was before, i bet you we’d smile 🙂 

That which is the poison, is embedded with the cure ❤ 

Its going inside, and coming out.

Much love to you

InsideOut

What If !!!! ? Magic!

Hello!

so a new goal…

So many times we always just hope for the bare minimum. like ‘as long as it actually follows through, or as long as we get through it, or if i could just reach this point, i’ll be happy”

Theres a famous saying thats ‘reach for the stars…set your expectations high and your outcomes will always be more than you expect them to be’

Today I realized that Im one of those people who basically just hope that the worst doesn’t happen, and if it doesn’t happen then I succeeded.

Perhaps it feels better to set your expectations low so you won’t be disappointed. But what if thats the very reason we dont get the gold in the bucket, or the rainbow outcome…because we really just dont expect it. Our mind is set on just reaching ends meet, bare minimum, a little more than failure….

Ive never really pondered upon this but its an interesting idea….

Perhaps we should set out for rainbows and butterflies, joy and happiness, dreams and magic…

And if you think about it…Even after doing that, and we dont end up getting the rainbows and butterflies, at least we enjoyed the whole day thinking and focusing upon rainbows and butterflies and magic and success!

So many times we are focusing on the outcome, but we dont realize we are worrying the hell out of the process of manifesting them, and so we basically suffer and never actually enjoy the process. In fact we are so damn focused on the outcome being what we dont want to manifest, that we end up manifesting that very feared outcome!

Im going to try something new, and you can too if you dare 😉

To enjoy the process….

Ive never cared much about the process, i usually am inpatient to get the things finished and to move on to the next project, but I realize its no fun.

Lets try it out… to set our expectations thousand times more magical than it might seem to even possible come out to…

For example Im going to go to lunch with a friend ( i should actually be walking there right now! but i wanted to write this down and send it )….

I hope not only the food is great the conversation is awesome, we have an amazing time…but ambience is in the air, and magic sparks through, and suddenly a bucket load of opportunity to travel flys out of now where, and people we meet on the street are awesome, and suddenly i know how to clear all problems, and become inspired and end up creating something amazing and share it with the world, which then inspires them, and they share it with the world…. and on top of that…. something i cant even imagine comes about… a thousand times better… if fact lets just say its already all happened…and this is that moment… and not the road is full of new magical possibilities…

what if we all began to think of that … what if… what if….

Hmm… i dont know !

Lets find out 😉

INsideOut

Merry Christmas !! Happy Holidays 😉

The Beautiful Butterfly and our Hearts

Hi!

So I’m feeling kind of happy today. No major reason. Today i had a nice long break where i went to my favorite bar for a wonderful cafe and had a good time with my kids today at school. I felt accomplished and appreciated, and important too. I also got to connect with some friends and family I haven’t been connected with for a while which felt really good too.

The weather in Vigo Spain has be wonderfully pleasant as well, and I’m enjoying the slight freeze i feel in the air..it helps wake me up:)

I also just came across a few  blogs i really liked and am now following them, and that too makes me feel great to connect with such awesome souls, although long distance. And finally i just signed up to be a fellow couch suffer which is so new and in my old mind highly dangerous, however after watching a few tips and videos about couchsurffing I feel more confident in my choice. Also with the holiday seasons and the lights and the looking forward to vacations and traveling and meeting and making wonderful friends, I’m feeling good :).

Its funny though…. when i feel this good, and am feeling happy … i have this sense of fear…i realize my body or mind finds it a little unsafe to be perfectly fine because I’m not expecting the worse.. which means I’m ‘not prepared’ for it.. however as i opened my perspective i realize its constantly thinking about the worst, that creates it…so its an illusion to think we prepare for it when we think and focus on it.

Regardless, i noticed this feeling of oh shit… I’m too happy… this isn’t normal… something is going to go wrong i know it …like someone will shout, or a fight will happen..or ill feel horrible suddenly…..

The good thing from this fear is it inspired me to write this blog! so hey there is a positive that comes out of that negative.

Overall I’m learning to breathe in my joy when it comes to me… aka learning to accept the good stuff.. even at a microscopic level… breathing it into my cells and allowing the good and the warm to hug me….

if you are interested in trying this… do it when you are outside under the sun rays… the warmth automatically feels great, but then practice breathing it into your body and affirming to yourself its allowed in you, it is being taking into your body and you are receiving the wonderful energy of warmth and joy.

I realized the whole idea of giving and receiving love can be thrown right back to a microcosmic level of yourself…meaning allow love from yourself and learn and practice to receive it. I learn we are both the provider and the receiver, and we can cultivate our peace and joy and strength by realizing this and practicing it.

If you think about our breath… its like the rise and fall of the ocean and the waves, its like the expansion and contraction of music of the universe, of singing, of dancing.

I suppose this is why all the gurus and teachers have always said , ‘observe your breathe’ … we all have access to it, and breath is a refection of life.. so we can really learn life through breath.- and remember it is always moving.

I realize how much we all affect each other, which is why i realize how important it is for us to care for ourselves and for each other. To find compassion in our hearts and realize we are all going through our own processes, and so we really can’t judge each other as we are all in different experiences.

I really look forward to opening my heart more and more and more through all the manners of joy i have.

Im learning to become less afraid of the fear of being happy or even the fear to experiencing a less comfortable experience…cultivating a safe home, a safe place inside ourselves is what roots us and enables us the strength and confidence to experience life and all its wonders.

I picture a baby sleeping right now.. naked and safe, comfortable and sound dreaming…breath calm and rising and falling, soft and quite, peaceful and clear…. remember that baby is us too.. no matter how old we are or how ‘bad or good’ we are…. we are all that baby.

Much love to you

Inside out… flying on the wings of the beautiful butterfly that is caressing my beautiful heart

i love you ❤

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Hogar Dulce Hogar

Today was wonderful. Got up early on a Sunday morning…no gente por la calle…. porque hay un festivo este semana entonces no hay trabajo mañana ! yay!!… vale…. So we got up early and i drove with mi companera y tambien mi amiga a Ourense to see the sights and meet up with some wonderful people for a spectacular lunch. However on the way there we went to a few beautiful sights. We went to Lugo ( another provence within Galicia- and btw i have now officially been to all four provinces of Galicia ( Pontevedra, Lugo, Ourense, y A Coruna )

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Today we visited many Rias ( which i dont know the correct names of ) but one of which separates Lugo and Ourense. We drove up beautiful mountains with wonderful views of the Las Rias y los colors del arboles =]. It was cold but what a wonderful trip. We saw the mountains in which a special wine of Galica is cultivated and we saw many precious pueblos with small cobble stone streets and beautiful houses. They were so simply precious. Finally we arrived in Ourense where we met up with some awesome people and dinned like i haven’t done in quite some time with Croquetas y tostados y huevos con patatas y churizo y pan y vino y postre… so much so that 8 hours latter with walking included…im still not hungry ! We had a wonderful cafe in a beautiful festive bar with lights and warm comfort and we visited a beautiful apartment of a friend who is so warm hearted.

Las Rias Espectacular!
Las Rias Espectacular! Y las Montanas!
Ourense!
Ourense!
Night and Lights and a Happy Tummy =]
Night and Lights and a Happy Tummy =]

On the drive home today I felt so content. There wasn’t any room for the past or the future. It was peaceful moments of bliss. Upon reflecting….the word Joy pops into my head. Why is it so difficult for us to live this life in joy and in peace and in love? huh? What makes us suffer so much as humans, most of us can say we live a hard life of struggle and strife, or separation and loneliness, of insecurities and fear… why has that become our dominant vibration? A friend of mine messaged me today through Facebook saying “the world is yours!… play with it and have fun! ” I messaged her back saying, thats probably the best advice anyone can give me at this moment.

For so long I’ve been waiting and hoping for others to bring me joy to bring me love to bring me acceptance and approval…ive been craving that special someone to fill the empty bottle of joy and fun and happiness in my life. However, Ive been realizing lately that it is I who has been depriving me of these basic human needs and also desires. Have you every asked yourself, How can i put more joy into my life? … sure we can always wait till we buy this equipment, or meet the special person, or win the lottery, or finish our degree to fulfill that craving or joy of passion and happiness we all want.. sure we can! … but what about in the meantime? aka how about now? … what little things can we infuse into our day to bring us more joy and more happiness, to make if feel worth while taking breathes of air in this life, right here and now? what do we love to do? what erases time? what cultivates heat in our heart?

When i pondered over these questions i brought forth a few ideas. One thing that totally brings me joy and stops time completely so much so I become the moment… is dancing! …and thats one thing i basically dont do… like at all. I have many excuses why i haven’t danced… i have no friends who really enjoy dancing, i dont know the language here its hard to find places, i dont have that much money to take classes, i dont have time, I’m lazy, I’m scared, I’m fearful … all of them valid reasons but non the less…i still have the same craving!- to move to dance to be free and joyful.

Who knows what will happen tomorrow… i dont! or if i somehow do know.. I’m not aware of it… so why not work with the resources we’ve got already, with the information we currently can understand and comprehend about ourselves to infuse more joy into our lives and bring more smiles and warm feelings to our beings.

Now what about suffering? Thats a big one, and this occurs on many different densities and levels… however lets just focus on what happens in our heads, what we feel based upon the thoughts we are thinking.

One thing I decided to practice today was allowing myself to feel what i felt…because thats how i felt in the moment. I would do this by breathing into the feeling and instead of resisting it or rejecting or judging it because its a ‘bad’ feeling….i fell into it.. like falling into a big comfy cozy feather white king size bed… although perhaps it didn’t always feel as comforting…

I actually tried this with physical pain too. I happen to have my menstrual cycle today so i was experiencing cramps which i usually experience during my first day of my cycle. Im trying to conceptualize that idea that the cramp is tensing up and clenching and holding and not letting go.. its not moving, its not flowing and so its accumulating energy there.

Now there were moments were i fell into my physical pain and instead of fighting the feeling i went into the pain… and i did feel release of the constriction… however, i must add i ended up taking a total of 2 ibuprofen pills today as i was traveling and was in pain and needed to function today so… alas i didn’t complete the process. but hay! i tried.

My point is I feel that when we allow ourself to feel the feeling we feel, it ends up passing faster than we think. The more we hold on to them or resist them from occurring, the longer they stay with us, and continue to be with us throughout the day.

Finally i would like to touch on the titulo of this blog Hogar Dulce Hogar- ‘home sweet home’. Ive always loved this phrase. i realized I’m a home person… no matter how out of the box or adventurous or open to new things i perhaps seem…i love home. i love having a home to go to, i love feeling warm safe and comfortable in my home, and i love the knowing and security that i have a home.

I am very happy to have a home here in Spain, so far from my original home. Although no home is perfect.. we can always do what we can to make it as much a home as possible for our selves.

My home back in Jersey ( USA) is soon to be sold, and so i had a moment in the car ride home today of missing the hell out of it. I imagined myself being really big and bright and round like the moon and embracing my entire home and the land and the garden and the walls and the rooms and the cars and all who were ever in it… just hugging it and holding it and being with it, giving thanks to it for being my beautiful wonderful perfect home i could ever in my life ever have. Its so hard to let it go, even though i know its for the best for everyone and everything…its just time. But still as we do with everything, i have projected my home as my strength my protection my abode my place in this world my sanctuary … as mine and all mine and always mine… but as life always teaches us, nothing here is for us to keep. Regardless i want to send a shout out to my first home in this world… saying i love you with all my heart, and i know your new home ( new people moving it=n ) will love you a thousand times more than we did…and that we all ( my family and all those who ever walked a foot in our house ) love you and are so happy to have spent over 24 years in the same place. What a wonderful relationship <3.

So finally as i run out of more things to say, i want to thank the day for bringing me joy and happiness, and myself for allowing me to receive all the good things in my life right now. I hope to continue to play more in the world, and be a joyful happy human in this life, as I’m pretty sure that was one of my major intentions, if not the only one, of coming here in the first place.

Peace out, Flower power, power puff, jiggly puff, girl

INsideOut

Making time to do what you Love

Have you every thought that one day your dreams will turn to gold?

Can you imagine that all your wishes came true, that you became that artist or that healer or that composer…. can you even imagine what that feels like…what would it feel like? what kind of thoughts would you have? what thoughts would you no longer have that you do now about yourself. would you feel good? would you feel better? would you feel the same? whats your intention of getting those things that you want? why do you want it? have you ever asked yourself that?
Im sure theres a lot of reasons that are ‘acceptable’ in your  mind as to why you want what you want, but perhaps there are also reasons that are ‘unacceptable’ to you and so you might not want to admit them, better yet, be consciously aware of them…
I want a few things in my life…probably more than i even know…but one of the biggest joys in my life have been music. In all forms…making it, singing it, listening to it, writing from it, dancing to it, meditating with it, expressing with it….music is a huge inspiration for me….but what will i do with it? Can i make it a career? can i sustain myself from it? how can I integrate it constantly in my life? how can I make what i love, what i do? my career?
I love my job overall right now…. i learn so much every single day….from language, to patients, to communication and the ways it is received and exchanged….the children and how crazy they are and how psychotic every one is…..how stressed i feel and exhausted sometimes, and also so appreciated at times as well…..its a special place to be able to work using a tool I have rather than a tool i needed to ‘earn’ from an institution…its wonderful to see children light up when they see you and always say hi to you wherever you are…its like your always kind of under the spotlight…. dont get me wrong its also insane..ive had some intense experiences with kids from tantrums to hitting to misbehaving to the extremes…but each experience has taught me the importance of holding space, holding your ground, and learning to work with the energies. its also taught me to be more strict! ….im not one to tell people what to do and control them…but i realize its important to have a sense of boundaries and force, strength and presence…and sometimes that comes from being kindly assertive and understood as a figure that is listened to and loved and respected, both ways. ITs been such a journey, and it still is….
Although i do feel this job is absolutely perfect for me right now in my place and time…i still have some resistance to it…this morning while waiting for my Tuesday/ Thursday caravan that drives me to school…i was pondering. I thought to myself…I’m not like this…i dont want to have to wake up and have a schedule as i do…and obligation, and timetable, i dont want to be so tied to this routine…. I’m a gemini, and also someone who really kind of hates rules…and here i am as a teacher !! ( funny right 🙂 ) …. I am learning a lot…. but something still is off….i thought a little longer and tried to think of what other job will fit me like a glove?
I think the next step is to imagine how id feel what it would look like…using more of my heart and childlike senses to understand what place will enable me to blossom? …what place can carry me up and down like winds and the waves but with ease and pure joy and acceptance to do so? …. logically things that came up was music, writing, dancing, yoga, online health business, blogger, things like this which allow me freedom that is unbounded to a schedule. …. one thing i love about music is its openness…its freedom, its boundless art, its power, is resonance, is so grandly vast, so poignantly powerful, so perfect in some ways…
It feels good to bring focus and attention to what i do actually want rather than to what i dont have now…its funny because if i got a magic godmother right now who said she would grant me all my wishes right now, id be so scared to receive them…. i think its because part of my identity has become that of a person who waits, and waits, who’s dreams usually never come true…this is an old belief that now i feel doesn’t need to be there anymore…. its time to live the dreams and passions now rather than wait for them to come true….how would life be different ?
Im thinking to myself…could i ever stop writing or researching new ideas on integration and health and happiness, or making music listening and connecting with awesome souls where ever i am? would i ever stop enjoy good company and having great conversations with people? would i ever stop playing music like the piano or guitar or drums or the flute? Would i ever stop? …i dont know… perhaps maybe…anything can change…its possible…however my body opens with music, my mind opens with music, i bring music wherever i go, i make music whenever i can, i write, i express, i share, i talk the hell out when i love the conversation, i read and research and understand and reveal when I’m learning about topics that spin me out of control, and break the bounds of what life is and can be..i love that stuff..i eat it up like a starving lion…. I’m down for that stuff…that pumps me up…my body feels so warm and ready as i type these words…these ‘passions’ or these creations and activities bring me joy…bring me purpose and reason and place….bring me, me…to my higher expressions to my deeper and purer manifestation inside and out….
So when put it that way…. i suppose whatever I’m doing in my life….where ever i am… make the time for this…allow it to be with you throughout your day…inject the parts you love whenever you can whenever you want….theres no reason why else I’m here….
Much love to you
and you
Leila (InSide Out)

Quickies ~

Some Nice insights that came across over time…..

Heavy vs. Light ( emotionally, mentally, all the above)

“When we are lighter, if we fall, no matter how high we are, the impact with the ground will not really affect us” ….watch as a feather falls to the ground… and notice how it dances down with grace. 20/11/2014

When feeling crazy after experiencing a situation what was difficult/challenging/uncomfortable…

“You carry everything with you….. all of it is weighing down upon your back… it slows you down and makes it harder to move…. you carry everything with you…. let it all go…move forward, its over now”

When feeling overcome with a situation, drowned in it almost…. ( if you believe you are more than your body) ….

“more often than not…. when we feel a really difficult situation and so week and powerless and stressed by it….if you believe you are more than your body…use that to your advantage. Imagine your self like a vast ocean… strong powerful, fluid, and moving….VAST… you are big and you are strong…. let your worry slip away from your small and ‘weak’ body.. into the vaster body that is you… the ocean….you will see that you dont have to house all that pain and fear and guilt… you can SHARE The LOAD with the vastness of the ocean……

WHEN YOU ARE BIG LIKE THE OCEAN.. you no longer find your problems and fears to be so overbearing… YOU ARE NO LONGER TOO SMALL FOR THEM… you have the support, resources, and tools to let them go.

“I am doing the best i can do in this moment”

“Im young and alive…. I’m LIVING…please… remove the glasses the lenses of all the identities you carry with you…all the shame guilt and embarrassment….see yourself for once…clear… like a child…. a new”

“Work to Live”

“ask for help, ask for support, ask for what you need, allow yourself to get it….”

“Follow your feelings, your intuition literally knows the right answers… the best one for you…Doing what feels best for you and acting on that cultivates trust with you and yourself…like any relationship…trust makes it better”

“do things that make you feel good about you… music, dance, writing, shopping, socializing, astrology, talking, exercise, cooking, traveling, creating, expressing in your unique form…. ”

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Tap into the you as a child….realize and remember how confident and free and connected s/he was….allow her to come out, listen to her talk to her, understand, take care of her, allow her to guide you back to yourself….Watch how the magic Spirals ~~~~

Love,

INSiDEOuT

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