The show I’m watching now is called Naruto. In the last episode i watched one of the characters mentioned that we all have demons in our hearts, and they come out and thrive upon our sadness manifesting our subconscious thoughts. However if we learn to beat control and face our darkness we can use it to our own advantage and use its power to help us fulfill our dreams and our desires.
What a ride! … life takes you on all kinds of ups and downs, fasts and lows, inspiring moments and moments of feeling like a failure. We should call life the great roller coaster.
As I personally move through the waves Ive been realizing a few things. One is that i’ve been tossed around not even trying to swim. Another words, I’ve been living as if I’m already defeated. I must have inherited this way of life a while ago and subconsciously have been playing it out.
At times when the water gets really rough, or if there a tsunami or a huge storm, I always get out, I realize I’m really strong and thats when i swim. But the majority of the time, its just regular waves.
For the last few weeks i’ve been craving to write a post. There were so many times when i experienced something, and i thought to myself “oh i have to write about that on Inside OUT” but i never did.
This was irking me but i realized there was more behind it. I was scared, or rather I am scared… of lots of things…. but beyond just admitting that, I realized how FEAR is a four letter word, that really does stop us from doing anything…. “I’m not ready I’m not good enough, they wont like it, its been done before, I’m stupid i shouldn’t try, i shouldn’t have wrote that, what do they think about me, am i an idiot for thinking i could have gotten what i wanted it? ” These are the type of thoughts that stem from fear…. and fear is legitimate and important… it tells us more about ourselves…..but it will only block us if we choose to never overcome it…
Its amazing how much life is a journey. Life- being here as a human on earth is such a journey- an experience of choices- unlimited opportunity. We meet so many people we leave so many people, we connect and reconnect with each other in so many places and times. It is seriously
Dance is absolutely for everyone.
But for some it is a portal.
Like a lock and key- It opens other dimensions- Not on the outside- not on the visible relam- but the inner realm- the human body realm- the earth realm.
Many of us hold secrets within our bodies- some of us can feel it- some of us vibrate to this opening more than others – it is our own unique Key- unique Sound- Vibration- Energy.
This may Sound very cloudy and muffled- This wont resonate with all the way it will resonate with some-
But thats the joy- Each has their own key for someone else.
Alls we need to do is find the keys we hold- and then open those portals- open those doors for others to enter in after us….
In the end there is no leader… there is no follower… just a Journey- in and of each other.
Peace Beats Music – Had a taste of an elixir tonight—
One’s creation opens anothers.
It doesn’t happen only in the classroom.
More has been revealed every since more has been experienced.
Feeling a bit nervous excited right now.
A type of ominous grand opening – but also a wondrous change.
Im picturing a journey…but with fast rivers…flowing down stream, but its passengers are a bit apprehensive
It feels it will be safe but it will be quite a vibrant experience.
Thankfully, there are guides along the way.
A special guest may come…but its unsure – every decision births a different outcome.
Clarity is opening up like grand celestial doors of illuminating light.
Rain is pouring hard here. Feels strange. Like a magic slowly brewing, slowly dancing through the air. I feel it this time.
Using my own advice…I will be dancing with the energy. Let its birth take place in the most sacred and sweet of ways. Sending out a prayer.
Is it really possible? Is it really true?
Do we really all have a grandness to ourselves….and infinite connection, a holly presence?
Do we all really have the potential to live in this world at this time and in this life in joy, health, and abundance?
Do we really all have the opportunity to get what we desire, to be who we want to see ourselves be, to live our dreams and experience them all to come true?
Is it really possible to be a writer, an actor, a dancer, a musician?
Is it really possible to make an album and sell it to people and inspire them and connect with them through our music?
Is it really true that we can make living off of doing the things we love, without being broke and begging on the street, without having a stable two week or monthly paycheck?
Is it possible to make a living on our own schedule on our own time without working under a boss or in system?
Is it true that we are so special and individual and authentic that we dont have to compete against each other, we dont have to take and hold on to all things because we have them already?
Is this true? is this really true? If we are not sure will it still come true?
How scary is it to leave behind the security of familiarity and to venture down a road where most of the word does not go…. if no one goes down this road is it safe?
If this is all true then why dont more of us do it? why haven’t we all gone after our dreams and put them first?
Im terrified to leave behind the ‘sense’ of stability of a job that pays a monthly check after following and a certain list of rules…its a little mundane yes, but its comforting…
Some people say all you need to do is follow your heart…..but why dont we trust it ?
Is it possible that we can play this game of ‘Earth’ and ‘Human’ in a different way- a way that is joyful rather then painful full of love rather than fear ?
Is there a guidance is there a book that can lead us there ?
I wonder, i wonder , i wonder… is this true? is this possible? Will i someday look back at this entry and laugh like content Buddah and the beauty of this experience…at how small i was thinking at the time? Is this possible ?
Where do you start? how do you start when you dont know exactly where you’re going?
( Artwork- Teal Swan )
I want to talk about something that came into my head after watching one of my favorite shows.
Sometimes we feel so lost because all that we felt was dear to us, all that made us feel secure and loved and safe in the world, left in some way. Either it was taken away, or it was ruined, or it was forced. When things like this happen we feel so much pain that immediately turns to rage and anger because the pain is too hard to feel. We sometimes act out and lash out to those around us or hurt ourselves. It is understandable because when we feel such deep hurt, we feel so afraid and unsafe and disconnected. Even though the pain can be almost unbearable to face, if we ever want to be free of it, someday when we are ready, we must choose to face it head on and walk right into the storm of our hidden hurts and feelings. This can feel almost impossible when we feel we are doing it alone and by ourselves. It can feel so scary when we look at it through the perspective that we need to do it on our own. But like everything in our existence, there is always another side of the coin, another perspective, another journey we can take that enable us to feel strong enough to face the deepest hurts and pains of ourselves. This source of strength can come from many things and can vary between people. Some of us may feel we have no one to turn to for help…but when we sincerely admit to our needs- that we need support we need help we need friends we need comforts we need community… when we admit to what we need and are brave enough to open to receiving help, the help will be there. What really hurst in life is when we feel we need to do everything on our own. It hurts especially when those that were closest to us aren’t there anymore to help us. But when we open our minds and open our hearts to new ideas of how the same help and support, the same care and love can come from a different form a different person i different source, we might feel better, feel stronger, and feel secure enough to venture down into ourselves and discover what we are really about, move past the experiences that hurt us and taint our present moments, and discover ways to let go of all baggage we carry with us. The main message is we need to be brave enough to ask for help, be vulnerable enough to admit to our needs and be willing to open our minds to how it comes. We are human beings, and we enjoy being cared for and for caring for others. There is nothing weak about us, its only our perspective. On a personal note i struggle making intimate connections with people. I am realizing i have fears and anxieties with people, yet at the same time i deeply desire pure true connections. Understanding more about myself, admitting to where i am and who i am right now helps me to create a map of how to navigate into who i desire myself to be. I struggle a lot with forgiveness and trust and desire security and strength, but i realized, instead of struggling with the many hills and obstacles i face in my current path, i am choosing to receiving guidance, and help, and friends to be with me throughout my journey. We really help each other when we are there for each other in as sincere way. We are really powerful most in-tunned with ourself when are connected to each other.
Us humans are really capable of doing many things, we can go in many directions, and be many different things.
Unlike many other things on this earth, we humans are both blessed and cursed with choice, and ability to decide.
We all have our own histories, our own ailments, or own experiences. Some situations may appear as less of a challenge than others.
Sometimes our situations can engulf us and dominate our life…tainting what we see.
We all have our own journeys, our own paths.
There isn’t a wrong one.
One thing that is universal is our ability to choose.
This is one of our greatest powers, because it means that we can take any situation and choose what to do about it.
Even when there seems to be a dead end we can choose a new way to see whats in front of us.
Just like the change of view we see from the perspective of atop a mountain, we can change how we view situations.
And we never know… perhaps from that new vantage point we can find our way out of the maize